23 GIU 2024 · Joseph Wheeler, the new mascot, is MIA. On top of that the 4th graders had a gang war. It happens. It's possible that the hall monitor was involved. But good news; we have the license to use Minions in Jambalaya School plays! The school is being remodeled. The teachers' lounge is not being remodeled, though. Nor will it ever. EVER. I went through the lost & found pile and SHEESH there's some weird stuff in there. Stop hiding milk in the lockers!  Safe Space Jam lyrics Everybody get up, it's time to commence Sentences that start by saying 'no offense' Welcome to safe space jam It's your moment, I won't foment, at safe space jam, alright Come on and respectfully slam And welcome to the all-inclusive jam. Hey, you, whatcha gon' do? I know it's not my business to Know what you gonna do I'll shut my mouth and not assume Trigger warnings in the house, let's go I'm a gender neutral ally, yo Pass that thing, watch me respect Treat me the same, that's what I expect To the jam, give you some space Call you ma'am, but try to save face Apologize up and down the room I've been woke since I left the womb So work that body, sell that body, just don't disrespect nobody Scroll through Tumblr, lose your mind Demand justice from those you find Hey, Admin, check it out  SJW scream and shout Come on, y'all check out my page, it's a blank screen so you can't rage Everybody get up, unless you're chair-bound You can stay seated or rolling now, welcome to safe space jam It's your chance for wheelchair ramps, at safe space jam, alright Wave your paws in the air if your fursona's feline,  We got a litter box scented pine Welcome to Safe Space Jam  It's your chance for Facebook rants at Safe Space Jam, alright Slam bam, thank you, person,  I don't assume genders--damn If you see me in the Twitter-sphere, let me opine in your ear (Tweet!) C'mon c'mon let's start a thread (Tweet!) Vegans, normies, let's break bread (Tweet!) Comment below, speak your mind (Tweet!) Just bring the facts before you whine (Just scroll!) Just scroll up and down my page (Just scroll!) You don't have to act your age Anime girl as my profile pic, please take the time to read my fan-fic (Jam on it!) Jam on my toast (Jam on it!) Jam between my toes If you got pics of your feet n' hands, feel free to advertise your OnlyFans Everybody get up, unless you're obese Wipe the perspiration in your belly crease  And log in to Safe Space Jam Find romance in stretchy pants at Safe Space Jam, alright  Wave your hands to and fro- if-your-self-esteem-is-low [Pause on first beat]Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself Welcome to safe space jam Go with grace, move your pace At safe space jam, alright Hey non-binaries! (Yeah) Y'all ready to stop? (No) Y'all wanna know why? (Why) IT'S TIME TO SLAM JAM Hey gender fluids! (Yeah)  Y'all ready to stop? (No) Y'all wanna know why? (Why) IT'S TIME TO SLAM JAM Hey anxiety-ridden people! (What now) Y'all ready to stop? (Please don't make me decide)  Y'all wanna know why? (I regret waking up today) It's time to SLAM JAM Hey deaf people!  Y'all ready to stop?  Y'all wanna know why?  It's time to SLAM JAM Every body get up, (in talking voice) it's just about time to slam We got a real jam going now, and you don't want to be stuck in the consessions line while this thing is going on. It's your chance...to find your seat. And enjoy the safe space jam. We went to a LOT of trouble putting this on.  Aaand i think you would be remiss if a salted pretzel accompanied by yellow #5 cheese...made you miss it.  I'm just saying. Respectfully. 

19 MAG 2024 · A portal to Lansing, Michigan caused the cafeteria to burn down. Bobby Warner is transferring to Grindlewald but not because of the fire, I swear. Billy Turner was a great mascot. Was. Thank you to Duraflame for sponsoring our fair school in this time of need! Try to avoid Principal Fendleton and her ruthless high fives in the hallways. Verbally-taught guitar lessons are back! Aluminumb lyrics: Deep underground you have mined into me Bound for the furnace, Brought up to the surface I don't know what you're extracting from me Put under the pressure, And made into metal boots Fought in the Thunderdome, just fought in the Thunderdome Every swing that you take is a dented mistake, you fool Clot in the Thunderdome, blood clot in the Thunderdome I'm aluminumb, I can't steel you there Become so iron, so much metal ware I've become tarnished, alloy want to do Is be murcury, poisonous to you Can't you see when you're smelting with me Your molding's too tight, you're about to spill the flow 'Cause every ting that you wrought into me Has dulled all my parts, right in front of you Lost in the Thunderdome, arm lost in the Thunderdome Every parry they make is deflected right back at you Law in the Thunderdome, one law in the Thunderdome And once you're dead they'll remake me into a rake I'm aluminumb, I can't steel you there Become so iron, so much metal ware I've become tarnished, alloy want to do Is be more Ag, and be less Au And I know I may end up breaking in two And I know Your ass is just like mine with someone hammering your behind I'm aluminumb, I can't steel you there Become so iron, so much metal ware I've become tarnished, alloy want to do Is be foiled like tin, and roll away from you

19 APR 2024 · Did you hear what happened to Garfield the Bottlenose Dolphin? I don't think I'll ever get over that one. Spirit week is here! Don't go into the teacher's lounge on Wednesday. Look out FOR but don't look AT the escaped specimens as well as the hooded figures hunting them. This month's newsletter is in memory of Tyler Lockhart.  Creep (Half the Man I Used to Be) lyrics: I mowed my lawn that day, when I saw a rake I stepped onto the field, to remove the tool concealed I waved at my neighbor, Dutch, then I heard the pop of a clutch With my face down in a weed, my mower made a meal of me In no time it wounded my hands and took half my spleen But it took time to grind my bones into a fine white meal I called for help, waving both my hands, But one got caught inside the mower wheel I'm half the man I used to be This I feel as my vision fades to grey I'm half the man I used to be Losing feeling in my extremeties I'm half the man I used to be Wish I'd kneeled instead of laid down by the rake Well I'm half the man I used to be Half the man I used to be Feeling half expired, I turned into a crier Tried to stand on up, but fell on account of my stump Dutch don't hear me shriek, I wish a neighbor would just creep Won't someone find me, until then I'll lie in my pee I got a pirate hand, 'cause I like to steal They hate me in RPGs, 'cause I can't fight and heal Take time with my hook hand, 'cause it likes to feel, it likes to OH GOD THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE I'm half the man I used to be I still reel whenever I see a rake I'm half the man I used to be On halloween I match my hook with a peg leg I'm half the man I used to be I fly for cheap in my friend's carry-on duffle bag I'm half the man I used to be Half the man I used to be While I took time to heal my glands, I watched a lot of TV Rick Grimes let things get out of hand, and T-Dog became a meal Rick's son shot his bitten mom, and made him cry out in pain "Carl that kills people!" I'm half the man I used to be My hook hand's sharpened steel affects my dating game I'm half the man I used to be Copping a feel only ever seems to maim I'm half the man I used to be I got the role in a Batman porno as Two-Face Well I'm half the man I used to be I'm half the man I used to be I'm half the man I used to be

23 MAR 2024 · Did you hear what happened to Larry the Crocodile? It was so tragic. Don't forget to fill your kid's backpack with milk for the contest! Picture day approaches—remember what we talked about. Don't go into the teacher's lounge. I'm sorry, but did you just say the kindergarten classroom caught fire again? Dammit, I owe Mr. Stanovich twenty bucks.  Chasin' Girls lyrics: It started out, just a hobby Chasin' teenage girls through a darkened alley I'd laugh, and they'd shriek It was the funnest game of hide-and-seek Minutes passed, I wouldn't hear a peep Hiding by the dumpster with my machete Until I would hear her cellphone ring I'd say, "You can run, but you won't get far You wanna know how I got this scar?" She'd scream and try to unlock her car Chasin' girls, what a job Wanna sniff them and sleep in their bed with them Suck their toes and cut their curls Chasin' girls, great to catch, hard to hold Wondering how you got into their home I climbed in through the attic window Chasin' girls Caught my breath, and got a look At a teenage heartthrob in a coffee shop Standing there, I could see, my girl chasin' days were just beginning And then she handed me a black coffee I said, "Tell me, tell me where's the sugar and cream? And can you give your home address to me?" And now it's: I see you hidin' behind the couch I wanna cottonswab the inside of your mouth Let's get married, I already wrote my vows Chasin' girls, I'm alive There is nothing more exhilarating Than watching them run around in circles Chasin' girls, break the latch To her room, in the lighting of the moon Watch her in silence and say, "Soon." Chasin' girls When you wake up from this nightmare Feeling safe as you can be I'll burst through your closet door And chase you into the street Oh no, yeah Chasin' girls, I play fetch They're the bone, as I dig them their own hole They're the Pokemon of my world Chasin' girls Chasin' girls