May 16, 2000: Caught on canvas
This ink, it reminds me of blood—it even stains like blood. I’ve mixed red with gold—I told Lee that because it resembles my blood, I must have a heart of gold. Ha! I’m so funny! Ladies and Gentlemen there are free tickets to my next show available in the lobby. Suddenly, emptiness takes me my knees…a hollow feeling I don’t enjoy nor do I understand. How can a heart just go blank? I’ve experienced this my entire life. One day, you’re the most important figure created only to suddenly hear silence. I’m not a cold-hearted son of a bitch but I’ll admit these actions are totally wrong. It’s as if I’ve locked myself up in a self made prison.

Hello, my name is _______
I’m a cold-hearted S.O.B.
But I don’t know why?
Will I change?
I hope so!
Maybe I’m going thru…
The change.
Letting go—preparing for middle age.
The price of food hasn’t changed…
but I have.
I feel it in my heart.
I see it in my step.
I heard it in the depths of conversation.
The letting go—
it’s hollow,
an old oak whose limbs are no more.
The tree stands there,
as do I…
alone,
cold
and empty.
I’m an S.O.B.