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Why Do I Feel Like A Mess?: Exploring and Re-Framing Complex Trauma
28 set 2025 ·
18 min. 35 sec.
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Why Do I Feel Like A Mess?: Exploring and Re-Framing Complex Trauma
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Why Do I Feel Like A Mess?: Exploring and Re-Framing Complex Trauma Why do you wake up feeling like a disaster, even before coffee? Spoiler: it’s not just because it’s...
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Why Do I Feel Like A Mess?: Exploring and Re-Framing Complex Trauma
Why do you wake up feeling like a disaster, even before coffee? Spoiler: it’s not just because it’s Monday.
This episode digs into the basics of Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) - the trauma that doesn’t come from one giant, cinematic event, but from a thousand smaller ones stacked over time. We’re talking about growing up in chaos, emotional neglect, chronic unpredictability, relational wounds - the stuff that rewires your system before you even knew what wiring was.
Drawing on the work of experts like Pete Walker and Bruce Perry, we’ll look at why that background noise of danger leaves you with cycles of stuck behavior, constant survival mode, and that vague sense of “something’s wrong.” (It’s trauma. That’s what’s wrong. Congratulations, you’ve solved the riddle.)
We’re not minimizing single-incident trauma like combat, assault, or disasters - they’re very real and deserve their own focus.
Today’s spotlight is on the quieter, chronic version that so often hides in plain sight and shows up as struggles that you might be mistaking for character flaws. By the end, you’ll have a new lens for understanding why “feeling like a mess” isn’t a personal failing. It’s a nervous system doing its best with bad material.
Sources Referenced:
Armstrong, Amanda, MA. Healing Through the Vagus Nerve: Improve Your Body’s Response to Anxiety, Depression, Stress, and Trauma Through Nervous System Regulation. Fair Winds Press, 2024.
Campbell, Sherrie, PhD. Adult Survivors of Emotionally Abusive Parents: How to Heal, Cultivate Emotional Resilience, and Build the Life and Love You Deserve. New Harbinger Publications, 2024.
Clear, James. Atomic Habits: The life-changing million-copy #1 bestseller. Random House, 2018.
Dana, Deb, LCSW. Anchored. Vermilion, 2024.
Durvasula, Ramani, PhD. It’s Not You: How to Identify and Heal from NARCISSISTIC People. Random House, 2024.
Emerson, David, and Elizabeth Hopper PhD. Overcoming Trauma Through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body. North Atlantic Books, 2012.
Frank, Britt, LCSW. Align Your Mind: Tame Your Inner Critic and Make Peace with Your Shadow Using the Power of Parts Work. Penguin Group, 2025.
Germer, Christopher, PhD. The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions. Guilford Press, 2009.
Gibson, Lindsay C., PsyD. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, Or Self-Involved Parents. New Harbinger Publications, 2015.
Gutiérrez, Natalie Y., LMFT. The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color. New Harbinger Publications, 2022.
Porges, Stephen W., PhD, and Seth Porges. Our Polyvagal World: How Safety and Trauma Change Us. W. W. Norton and Company, 2023.
Rosenberg, Stanley, PhD. Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve. North Atlantic Books, 2017.
Van Der Kolk, Bessel, MD. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin, 2014.
Walker, Pete, MA. Complex PTSD : From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma. Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2013.
Winfrey, Oprah, and Bruce Perry MD, PhD. What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. Pan Macmillan, 2021.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-guess-we-re-just-like-this-now--6748146/support.
Transcripts and free worksheets can be found here
Join the Hot Mess Club.
It’s our supporter community, and your ticket to the deluxe trauma buffet. Members get:
mostra meno
Why do you wake up feeling like a disaster, even before coffee? Spoiler: it’s not just because it’s Monday.
This episode digs into the basics of Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) - the trauma that doesn’t come from one giant, cinematic event, but from a thousand smaller ones stacked over time. We’re talking about growing up in chaos, emotional neglect, chronic unpredictability, relational wounds - the stuff that rewires your system before you even knew what wiring was.
Drawing on the work of experts like Pete Walker and Bruce Perry, we’ll look at why that background noise of danger leaves you with cycles of stuck behavior, constant survival mode, and that vague sense of “something’s wrong.” (It’s trauma. That’s what’s wrong. Congratulations, you’ve solved the riddle.)
We’re not minimizing single-incident trauma like combat, assault, or disasters - they’re very real and deserve their own focus.
Today’s spotlight is on the quieter, chronic version that so often hides in plain sight and shows up as struggles that you might be mistaking for character flaws. By the end, you’ll have a new lens for understanding why “feeling like a mess” isn’t a personal failing. It’s a nervous system doing its best with bad material.
Sources Referenced:
Armstrong, Amanda, MA. Healing Through the Vagus Nerve: Improve Your Body’s Response to Anxiety, Depression, Stress, and Trauma Through Nervous System Regulation. Fair Winds Press, 2024.
Campbell, Sherrie, PhD. Adult Survivors of Emotionally Abusive Parents: How to Heal, Cultivate Emotional Resilience, and Build the Life and Love You Deserve. New Harbinger Publications, 2024.
Clear, James. Atomic Habits: The life-changing million-copy #1 bestseller. Random House, 2018.
Dana, Deb, LCSW. Anchored. Vermilion, 2024.
Durvasula, Ramani, PhD. It’s Not You: How to Identify and Heal from NARCISSISTIC People. Random House, 2024.
Emerson, David, and Elizabeth Hopper PhD. Overcoming Trauma Through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body. North Atlantic Books, 2012.
Frank, Britt, LCSW. Align Your Mind: Tame Your Inner Critic and Make Peace with Your Shadow Using the Power of Parts Work. Penguin Group, 2025.
Germer, Christopher, PhD. The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions. Guilford Press, 2009.
Gibson, Lindsay C., PsyD. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, Or Self-Involved Parents. New Harbinger Publications, 2015.
Gutiérrez, Natalie Y., LMFT. The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color. New Harbinger Publications, 2022.
Porges, Stephen W., PhD, and Seth Porges. Our Polyvagal World: How Safety and Trauma Change Us. W. W. Norton and Company, 2023.
Rosenberg, Stanley, PhD. Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve. North Atlantic Books, 2017.
Van Der Kolk, Bessel, MD. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin, 2014.
Walker, Pete, MA. Complex PTSD : From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma. Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2013.
Winfrey, Oprah, and Bruce Perry MD, PhD. What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. Pan Macmillan, 2021.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-guess-we-re-just-like-this-now--6748146/support.
Transcripts and free worksheets can be found here
Join the Hot Mess Club.
It’s our supporter community, and your ticket to the deluxe trauma buffet. Members get:
- One long-form deep dive episode every month (40–60 min) that unpacks the science, digs into integrated recovery strategies with both bottom-up and top-down guided exercises, and comes with worksheets big enough to make your therapist jealous.
- Ad-free listening for every episode. Jump straight into the good stuff and enjoy the show with no interruptions.
- First dibs on secret and future perks: voting on episode topics, exclusive Q&A episodes, ad-free listening, discounts on future courses, and merch that says, “yes, I’m healing, but sarcastically.”
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