Spring break is here and the boys are home, so what does that mean for me? It’s time to do some spring cleaning. To be fair, we also decided to make some fresh lemonade, (because Arizona.) In the news I’ve got another fake kidnapping, a questionable use of a t-shirt cannon, and what can only be described as the worst sexual experience imaginable. In Recommended Listening, the sexual news seems like the perfect opportunity to talk about this extra naughty podcast, it’s “Two 2 Girls, One Mic: The Porncast.”


Spring Cleaning

It’s spring break, and around our house that means it’s time for spring cleaning. More accurately, it means that it’s the time when my wife tells me that I have to clean out the garage.
I should start by saying that my wife and I tend to be pack rats. It’s not because we don’t want to throw things out. We tend to pack things up when we move, and then stick those boxes in the new garage and never open them again. Last year my nephew and I spent an entire day pulling all of our boxes and tubs and junk out of the garage to organize it. We succeeded in cleaning things up and organizing them, but we still had a lot of old junk.
This time, my niece and nephew came over to help me pull all of the stuff out of the garage to get hauled away for good. We spent half the morning breaking down piles of old Amazon boxes, digging out toddler beds and cribs to throw out, and pulling out bags upon bags of my kids’ old clothes to take to Goodwill. After all of that we had a guy come and take it all away. And, for the first time in the 3 years, we were actually able to pull my wife’s car into the garage.

Lemonade is hard

Springtime in Arizona also means that it’s time to harvest lemons. Incidentally, one of my wife’s co-workers has a lemon tree, and she has no problem sharing them with anybody willing to take them. This meant we acquired an entire grocery bag full of lemons, and had no clue really what to do with them.
At the end of the day, all we could come up with was make a ton of lemonade. We also learned that making good lemonade is much harder than just squeezing a lemon into a cup with some sugar and water. Maybe we didn’t have to dissolve the sugar into a syrup. And maybe I could have looked around in the garage for my old juicer instead of squeezing all of the lemons by hand. But neither of these things would have prepared us for the biggest problem we faced.
We would start pouring a cup of lemonade and before the glass was half full, it would just stop pouring. Then we discovered that the pulp screen was completely clogged with pulp so tiny it was barely visible. We ended up running the whole batch through a coffee filter just to get all of it out. That made all the difference in the clarity of that lemonade. Yeah, maybe we could have left all that stuff in there and gotten some more fiber in our beverage, but you can’t drink it if you can’t get it out of the pitcher.

BS From The News

-Woman Suffers Stroke During Oral Sex
https://nypost.com/2019/03/12/woman-suffers-stroke-after-oral-sex-orgasm-causes-brain-bleed/
A woman was recently hospitalized after suffering a stroke while receiving oral sex. While in the act, her partner noticed that she had lost consciousness and rushed her to the hospital. CT scans later revealed that she had ruptured an aneurysm, likely from the increased blood pressure caused by sexual activity.
-Chinese Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend By Faking Her Kidnapping and Murder.
https://www.odditycentral.com/news/woman-fakes-own-kidnapping-and-murder-to-break-up-with-poor-boyfriend.html
A woman in China has been arrested for faking her kidnapping and murder after she found out that her boyfriend was “poor.” She wasn’t sure how to break up with him and so she concocted a story about her ex-husband kidnapping her and holding her hostage before eventually being “killed” by the supposed kidnapper. Police were able to track her last known location to a hotel where they found her quite alive and well.

Jackass Of The Week
-Woman Used A T-Shirt Gun To Launch Drugs In To Prison
https://fox6now.com/2019/03/15/woman-arrested-after-using-t-shirt-gun-to-launch-drugs-over-prison-fence/
An Oklahoma woman has been arrested after she was caught launching packages of assorted contraband over the walls into a prison. The packages contained everything from cell phones and ear buds to tobacco and methamphetamine.

-Recommended Listening-
Two Girls, One Mic: The Porncast
http://www.twogirlsonemic.com/

"Everyone’s a critic, even with porn. Hosts, Yvette and Alice, discuss the holes and the plot holes of your favorite porn. They’re joined by comedians, porn stars, scientists, and authors to review films, discuss the industry, and topics that are porn/sex adjacent. "

-Promos and Shoutouts-
Livestream For The Cure
Afterburn 739
Who’s Right

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