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On Today's Episode:

So, you have a boundary, you state your boundary, and then you find yourself apologizing at the slightest pushback to your boundary. WTF is that about!?

We keep hearing about boundaries, and we know that not having boundaries can be a major issue in your personal life, your work life, and even in line at the grocery store. The problem is actually creating boundaries that don’t make you feel guilty everytime you try to enforce them.

You may know Melissa Urban as the Whole 30 diet creator, but today she’s joining Lisa to discuss her latest book, The Book of Boundaries. Right at the start she’s coming in strong for the ladies and saying that, “people don't need to understand or agree with your boundaries to respect it.” Once you let that sink in, you breathe a little easier and start wondering, HOW!?

How can you get people to respect your boundaries without guilt and the urge to apologize that your boundary is somehow an inconvenience to their plan to push your limits? By the end of this episode you’ll have everything you need to know where to set your next boundary, you’ll be able to set more boundaries where needed, and you’ll be able to enforce boundaries like a badass! Even with your parents!

Check out Melissa’s new book, The Book of Boundaries, Set The Limits That Will Set You Free: https://www.amazon.com/Book-Boundaries-Limits-That-Will/dp/0593448707

SHOW NOTES:

0:00 | Introduction to Melissa Urban
1:15 | Boundaries Create Freedom
5:41 | Being Taught To Not Set Boundaries
11:39 | 5 Relationship Boundaries to Adopt (1 and 2)
22:52 | Put Words to Your Boundaries
25:23 | When Your Enjoys Going Out
35:00 | Setting Limits on Privacy & Trust
51:23 | Communicate Sexual Boundaries
59:34 | When the Drama Is Your Momma
1:10:31 | Side Effects of Enforcing Boundaries
1:18:36 | Why The Best Boundaries Are Flexible
1:24:04 | The Hardest One to Set Boundaries With

QUOTES:

“Boundaries are about creating freedom in relationships and making them better.” [2:23]

“A boundary can’t tell someone else what to do.” [12:50]

“It’s not me against you, my romantic partner, it is us against the problem.” [18:41]

“We have been told that being direct is rude, and it’s not. Direct is direct. You can be direct and kind.” [24:52]

“I need alone time like people need to breathe, and when I feel overwhelmed, [...] when I pull myself out and sit myself in my room with the door closed with a book for an hour, it is not a rejection of you…” [27:10]

“A healthy boundary is always designed to improve the relationship.” [28:59]

“Say what you mean and trust your partner to say the same.” [31:58]

“Setting a boundary and seeing how the other person responds to that boundary can also be a very good test.” [40:31]

“Other people’s reason for what they are calling a boundary is kind of not your business…” [42:45]

“If I could have done better, I would have, and I know that I couldn’t because I didn’t.” [44:56]

“If you start responding differently the dynamic has to change.” [58:48] 57:29 - +1:19

“If they continue to choose to over step that limit, that’s their choice, and you are simply responding to their choice. Your response is a consequence to their action.” [1:06:36]

“I know standing firm feels really uncomfortable, but giving in is uncomfortable too.” [1:12:18]

“When you set a boundary it often means you are revoking a privilege that the other person was never meant to have, and it can feel like you’re taking something away.” [1:12:58]

“You got to lose the idea of these fake consequences, and really think about the actual consequences because they are very real consequences to future you if you don’t hold this boundary with yourself.” [1:31:00]

Follow Melissa Urban:
Website: https://www.melissau.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/melissa_urban
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melissau.author
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melissau/