In this episode, we are discussing the cycle of failure and how it keeps us from stepping into success.

I mentor women that have endured terrible trauma in their past. They’ve been through situations that were sometimes a direct consequence of their own poor choices and others that were not. Most of the women have criminal records.

I teach a weekly course at an aftercare home for survivors of sexual exploitation and trafficking. The course is a combination of business & life coaching. While I help them to realize their gifts and skills as well as acquire the skills necessary for gainful employment, we also do a deep dive on emotional and mental roadblocks, unpacking past hurt, releasing shame and guilt, and taking responsibility for our own actions.

I’ve now taught 4 different groups of women in this course, and we inevitably reach the same point each time. It’s the midway point. Halfway through the course, this is where they start experiencing overwhelm, self-doubt, fear, and… this is typically where, if they are going to, they choose to leave the program.


Reasons we don’t break free from the cycle of failure:
1. Fear of Success
Success doesn’t feel comfortable.
Failure is familiar.
When we become overwhelmed and afraid, we revert to familiar behaviors. How did we feel with overwhelm before? Did we quit? Did we run away? Did we lean on unhealthy coping mechanisms?
What has happened in the past when we have attempted to succeed?

2. Fear of the unknown:
The devil we know is better than the one we don’t. Jer. 29: 11 “For I know the plans I have for you. Declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” God knows these plans. We don’t, and oftentimes, it seems much more comfortable to believe in the past hurt we know than the hope of the future. It’s hard to imagine something we’ve never seen before. Exile came before the hope. It doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy, but that we must trust God’s plan and persevere.

3. Fear of New Identity (Accepting Failure as your identity)
When people have a line of bad choices & behaviors, this becomes part of their identity. People label them as a failure. However, when they take the steps to break the cycle, they step into a new identity. One where they are no longer the person of their past. This new identity requires them to be held accountable. The excuse of “that’s just the way they are no longer applies.” They have a new name.
Col. 3:9 -10 “…you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.”

4. Fear of Accountability: When transitioning from failure to success, you have to take responsibility for your actions and make changes.
1 Cor. 13:11 
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. “


5 Ways to Break the Cycle of Failure & Step Into Success

1. Take accountability for your actions. Recognize write or wrong choices that have led us to where we are. Own them without absorbing the guilt and shame. Recognize them as obstacles along the way that do not identify you. Acknowledge that who you were is not who you are today.

2. Recognize a time in your past that you turned an obstacle into an opportunity or a failure into a success.

3. Identify a time that you stepped through fear. Celebrate that moment as a victory. (RFW: the resident came to the program)

4. Remember a moment of power: a sense of accomplishment. What did that feel like? How much joy was in your heart? Who told you that you couldn’t. How did it feel to prove them wrong?

5. Imagine what it will feel like when you (accomplish this hard thing) you’re standing on the stage at graduation. What are you wearing? How is your hair fixed? Who is in the audience? What friends and family are there with you? How proud do you feel about this accomplishment? How much joy do you have in your heart? How will it feel when you are able to share this success?



Claim your victory.
Write your victory statement:
I have accomplished ________________________________________________________________
Whatever goal that you are holding back from accomplishing right now)
Visualize the feeling of success. Close your eyes and imagine what life feels like on the other side of that statement.
Just because we haven’t seen it before doesn’t mean we can’t imagine it. Visualize what your life looks like on the other side. What does your life look like after achieving this victory.


Write a letter to yourself:

Dear Self,
I want you to know that you are: __________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
(strength & overwhelming characteristics: ex. *A child of God, fearfully and wonderfully made, resilient, persistent, forgiven, redeemed, worthy)


You have __________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
(statement of triumph: Overcome addiction, survived abuse/trauma, saved a bankrupt business)

You possess all the _______________________ (knowledge, talent, gifts, skills) to accomplish

____________________________________________________________________________________

You are committed to ___________________________________________________________
(putting in the work and taking the action steps necessary to complete this goal because the success that lies on the other side of this challenge is worth every step of the journey.)

From now on, anytime I feel like giving up on a goal, or turning back to a cycle of failure because the fear of success is too great, I promise to go back and read this letter to myself. I promise to constantly seek success and not fear the unknown, but embrace the plans that God has for me.

LOVE,
YOUR SUCCESSFUL SELF STANDING ON THE SIDE OF VICTORY